Male Insecurity – Dealing With It Rori Raye Style
It’s not often that I get a question on male insecurity, but I received an excellent question from a reader who was brave enough to pose the thought – are MEN at times insecure as well as women? As we all know, Rori Raye talks often and at length about female insecurity, and how that insecurity can damage your relationship as well as other aspects of your life. Let’s forget our own insecurities for a moment, and delve into the subject of men.
My reader asked me…
I have a question for you here it is I am in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 2 1/2 years now and I am living with him. We are both in our 40s. Often he ask me after we make love if I am satisfied & if his penis is big enough, and also often he asks me if I am happy being with him. Is it normal for a man to ask that question often on how he is performing in bed and if I am happy to be with him? I told him yes I am happy if I wasn’t I wouldn’t be with him.
I am questioning myself if I am giving off negative vibes or is he insecure with himself? I don’t mind that he ask once in a wild but he’s been asking often?
I am confused? I don’t know what to think?
Excellent, excellent question! Insecurity, of course, is not limited to women. Men can be very insecure as well. Let’s think about this for a minute. For women, according to Rori Raye, attraction is based in feeling and basically, in the brain. I have heard it said that the brain is the largest sex organ for a woman. But men, on the other hand, are visual creatures. Much of their attraction is based on visual stimulus, and on the response they receive from women about their own actions, confidence, stamina, etc. So, as man who may have his confidence based in these things, its not hard to understand that if they feel they are lacking in size in that area, that they think YOU think that as well.
I have learned a lot recently about sex by reading Alex Allman’s Revolutionary Sex. It’s a fascinating read. And according to Alex, the average male organ size is 5-6 inches give or take a little bit. Now, that is NOT what you see in the erotic movies by any means. (Of course, the women, as well, are not the average size 16 female either!). In addition, many men “present” in different ways, they are either a shower or a grower (love those terms). This means that men, when they are limp, will either be nearly as long when they are aroused, OR, they will be substantially SMALLER when flaccid and their organ will grow quite a bit when they are aroused. Now – most men don’t know this. So, perhaps your man is a “grower”, and does not show his true size when in the locker room with other men, or what have you, and maybe he sees quite a few “showers” in there, that look substantially larger than he is, giving him a false sense of inadequacy.
Rori Raye does not address sexual intimacy specifically in her book, but we can glean a lot of information from there about things that may help our man to feel more positive about himself – not only in the bedroom, but in life as well. One of these things is allowing yourself to fully understand your reactions to him. Perhaps you are not “vocal” in the intimate moments, or perhaps you may have trouble reaching orgasm. Many of us do – believe me. Maybe HE feels that if he has to work harder to bring you fulfillment that it is because of the size of his…tool. J So perhaps you should take a look at your interactions and actions with him in the bedroom. Are you expressing, DURING the act, how he makes you feel? Are you tense, nervous, or feeling pressure to come to orgasm in order to please him? Or perhaps he is a “minute man” and feels that he does not bring you pleasure because the time is too short. There are many factors that could be at work here.
So my advice to you is this – do as Rori Raye suggests in her Have the Relationship You Want eBook, and sit back and take a look at how you respond to him in different situations. This does not, by any means, mean that you are to BLAME for his lack of confidence. But if you are able to adjust your responses to him in a manner that will allow him to begin to understand how happy he makes you, then perhaps this will ease his mind and heighten his own self-confidence.
Male Insecurities – How to Deal When He Asks if He Brings You Pleasure In the Bedroom – Rori Raye Style!…
Honest post on men’s sexual issues and what may be causing them….
Great points regarding how a female can take a look at her own reactions or interactions to determine how she can contribute to the solution. The other point this woman’s question illustrates is how insecure some (and I venture to say most) men really are. Some can even be quite clueless. Communication between partners is important in enhancing a couple’s sex life, but when and how one asks such questions should be considered. With a little creativity, a guy or woman, for that matter, can spice up a conversation at the right moment and get the feedback he/she seeks while engaging in playful, stimulating chatter.
Yes I think this is very true, even the most handsome guy have insecurities.
Thank you for the advise, now I know what might be the issue with my husband. It sounds like a lot of men have this issue.
Men are insecure about a lot of things not just their performance in bed or the size of their organ. Have you ever noticed a guy being loud for no reason to get noticed, or talking about something very random, or doing things to get attention? Those are all insecurity signs, fortunately you can work these things out by encouraging him pay him compliments on things he does well and you will notice these insecurities going away slowly.
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I truly believe that the way a woman responds to a man and vice versa is a big deal when it comes to insecurities. The size of a man’s organ to a man is much the same as the size of a woman’s breast or waist to a woman. A woman wants to be thin and sexy for her man and if she doesn’t feel that way being told she is by her man can help a great deal with her insecurities. It is the same way for a man he needs to be reassured that he is just perfect to her. Ladies tell your man his perfect and watch the reaction you get.
This is very interesting, my husband has asked me these same things before. I really don’t think they know about the showers and growers thing, they must think that the showers get even bigger when they are aroused but they don’t. Everyman out there is on average the same size, now you did mention that there are exceptions to this rule but there are exceptions in women as well. Women have to react a certain way to their man in order for him not to feel these insecurities but men need to treat or act a certain way towards their woman as well. Women are more insecure than men are by far, men if you haven’t noticed (and I know you all have) there are a lot of magazines out there all the time that have these beautiful women on the front of them and when you guys look at these magazines this just puts pressure on your women to look like that and in a lot of cases that is impossible. Women know this and then here comes the insecurities, “he wants someone like that not me. So I think the insecurity thing runs both ways and both sides need to realize it has a lot to do with the reaction we give them.
Most guys, from the time they are in high school, learn most of their social skills and get their sexual knowledge from their pack of buddies. So by the time they get into a serious relationship with a woman, most of what they have learned comes from what their buddies have shared, and some of that are fallacies or exaggerations or biased opinions. I think that is part of the reason why some guys, those who have not had much experience either in a relationship or in a friendship with a woman, tend to have insecurities based on uncertainties. Some guys who did not run in packs during adolescence and who spent extensive time with women early on tend to be more assured – they have a clue.
Very interesting post, this will help me to understand my boyfriend better now. Now that I understand his insecurities I might be able to help him over come them. He has helped me over come a lot of my insecurities about myself so it is the least I could do really. I never really thought about how my reactions to him effected him, which really makes sense when I think about It because his reaction to me effect me in a big way, why would he be any different? Thank you for this information I think it will help our relationship a great deal.
From my rather promiscuous sexual experience, I’ve noticed that the reasons why some guys have feelings of insecurity during sex or as in the case of the person who submitted that inquiry, after intercourse, are usually because 1. The guy is clueless and lacks experience with sexual techniques. 2. The woman sometimes needs to look in the mirror because she may be act inhibited during sex. Nothing annoys most guys more than a female who is unresponsive and does not express her joy during sex. So if that describes you, you should work on yourself and search for ways to free your inhibitions because sex is also about communication and both persons need to communicate not just what they like to do during sex, but also what is feeling good during intercourse.