Circular Dating – a Rori Raye Relationship Tool
The debate about Circular Dating (a term introduced to us by relationship expert Rori Raye, author of Have the Relationship You Want) rages on in the dating and relationship advice circles. Many women feel this concept is foreign and alien to actually having a relationship, while others embrace it for the freedom they feel when they truly accept the precepts of the term.
Circular Dating is what Rori Raye calls her tool where the woman refuses to commit to any man until she has chosen the ONE that she wants to be with. It is not about sexual promiscuity, in fact, Rori urges her readers to refrain from sexual intimacy while in this phase of dating, so that sexual feelings do not cloud the judgment. But the basic tenet of the method is about accepting dates from anyone you wish you – whether that be a quick coffee date with an attractive man who invites you to sit down at the local Starbucks, lunch with a co-worker or a dinner date with a man you meet online. It’s about FEELING your feelings, opening up in an emotional and vulnerable way and letting your feminine side shine through.
Circular dating is about leaning back and accepting the love and the pursuit of men who find you attractive It is about learning not to “lean forward” and “overdo”. If you are being offered the choices of several men, and open to new, incoming choices as they happen, you as a woman will learn to become the one who accepts attention and accepts pursuit, instead of being the woman that pursues and overdoes, therefore pushing a man away.
The assumed exclusivity of many relationships is what Rori Raye wants her readers to avoid. Rori says, “It used to be, we women assumed exclusivity and seriousness if we slept with a man. And that is not going to work, unless you talk about it beforehand. Many of us women “assume” we’re in an exclusive relationship after any number of dates (sometimes even one) where there was a lot of “connection” and “future talk.” And we’ve discovered that doesn’t work. And another assumption is made by a man who takes you on a date 3 times – or even many dates over 3 or 4 months and automatically “assumes” he’s the only one you’re dating – without talking about it, or asking for your exclusivity.”
Rori Raye further recommends that unless he ASKS you for exclusivity specifically, and you accept this proposal, you circular date. And your expectation of exclusivity might not be the typical boyfriend/girlfriend thing. It could be a marriage proposal, or living together, or whatever other terms feel good to you as a woman.
This is a fabulous way, as well, to compare men and how they communicate with you, make you feel, make you laugh, or show love to you. Circular Dating can open up many doors for you in your emotional maturity and your expectations of a relationship, because you are able to find the best things about the men you are seeing and decide what traits and characteristics you really CAN live with, and what you do not like. It will allow the woman to realize that there are many choices out there.
Think of circular dating like buying a car or a house. You are always advised by friends and family not to buy the first one you look at. Shop around. Test drive, walk through, compare, compare, compare! A car or a house may be a huge financial investment, but is a relationship not one of the most important investments you will ever make in your life as well? Why should you then settle for the first man that falls into your lap? Circular dating in order to eventually have the relationship you want is an excellent tool if done correctly and with an open heart.
I recently subscribed to a membership for match.com and after corresponding with many persons, I can say with certainty that there is a lot of circular dating’ that goes on between many of the members on that site. Most of the people on there are looking for a serious relationship and many of the women go on dates and take their time cultivating friendships without becoming sexually involved. There are players on there, too, as with any dating site.
Relationships are difficult, I was a lucky one that met my husband in high school and we have been together ever sense. I do not envy the women who are trying to find that relationship now and the things they think they have to do to find it. Circular dating sounds like an interesting concept but there are so many men willing to hurt you out there that it is a little scary as well.