Advice on How To Have The Relationship You Want – Relationship Tips for Women by Rori Raye
This woman is experiencing the pain of her man withdrawing from her, and wondering what she can do to turn her relationship around. Let’s read her story, and then I will explain what this woman can do as Rori Raye has taught us in Have the Relationship You Want….
I have been seeing this guy I met online for about 3 months, he is good to me, treats me special, we get along great. we have a lot in common, music, family values, life ideas, activities, we have so much fun together. He works long hrs during the week (10 to 15 hr days) we were together every weekend usually 2 days and 1 or 2 evenings through the week. If I say something about doing something he’ll ask me to wait until he can be with me, or he changes his plans to be with me. He worries more about me having a good time or being happy than himself (he says it’s about me). Last week I was pretty stressed with things in my life, I told him I just want to get away to relax, wanted to go camping… it was late in the week but he tried to find a place for us to go, but wasn’t able….then he asked if I’d be ok to just go and pitch the tent in his backyard, that’s what we did, pitched the tent, cooked over the fire pit. Spent the whole weekend camping in his yard. I thought it was sweet of him. That’s the kind of things he does for me. Yeah sounds so perfect….but my problem is… he is moving back home next year, he tells me he’s going but never says anything about me going along, never said I wasn’t either, but he also still goes on the singles site where we met, I don’t know if he’s meeting anyone, and we never made our relationship exclusive, we have not put any label on what we are…I am falling in love with him and I don’t know how to handle it. I’m scared I’ll be the one to get hurt. And now it has happened, he knew how much I cared and says I deserve better, we haven’t been in touch for a couple weeks now, he says he wants to be my friend but doesn’t want to hurt me anymore. What can I do? I really do love him. Please I need some help; I don’t know where to turn.
I am so sorry that you are going through this pain – but this is SO common in budding relationships, according to Rori Raye. First he comes on strong, gets you attracted to him and gets your heart in his hand … then he pulls away and leaves YOU wondering what the heck happened.
Well, first of all, when he was the one pursuing you, you were doing what Rori Raye calls “leaning back” – you were making him take the steps toward you and to pursue you, which men LIKE to do.
In addition, it seems to me that he has been TELLING you that he does not want an exclusive relationship – he is moving, he has been hurt before, etc. YOU have also been hurt, and just maybe, you were starting to feel safe with him because you knew deep inside that he did not want a serious relationship, therefore he could not be a serious threat to your heart. But what happens it, you start to feel safe for him, and when you do, you allow yourself to fall in love with him.
So now what?
Well, in order to actually HAVE the relationship you want, you have to know what is out there. You must start dating other people. Your relationship with this man is undefined, he is moving away, he is becoming distant and he is on other dating sites. Why would you consider this relationship to be exclusive? It’s not. TAKE that opportunity to date other people.
By dating other people, you will expand your interests, the selection of men available to you, AND you will show THIS man that you are a hot commodity, and if he WANTS to be exclusive with you, he needs to EARN IT.
Then – there’s the talking and listening part. When a man says he’s not sure he’s “into you,” or “not feeling it for you,” RUN. Saying he loves you but isn’t ready yet for a serious relationship is WAY different than saying he’s “not sure of his feelings.” If he says he’s “not sure of his feelings”, that would be the cue to get out of there.
But - you don’t have to leave him completely – you can still DATE him. He may actually be feeling confused. But your sticking around while he figures it out will do you nothing but harm.
So – if this man felt safe by telling you that he was moving, he was not interested in a real relationship, etc, he felt safe when he felt that he had to really pursue you to get your interest. But then, when he HAD it, it freaked him out and he distanced himself.
So you need to get yourself out there and date other people. Show this guy that you are in demand, that you are not going to sit there and pine away for him and then maybe that will give him the impetus to understand his feelings and take action on them one way or another. Learn more in Rori Raye’s eBook Have the Relationship You Want.
